THE MARITAL CONFLICTS CONTEXT: THE HELP-MEET [DIVINE] VS THE HELP-MATE [HUMAN] IN SCRIPTURAL CONTEXT AND PURPOSE!
“And the Lord God said, It is NOT GOOD that the man should be ALONE (in PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT); I will make him an HELP MEET (to fulfill PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT) for him” Genesis 2:18 (Emphasis Mine).
And God BLESSED them — male (Adam) and female (Eve); for in God’s marital plan — MARRIAGE IS BLESSED not CURSED, more so, it is not a CURSE as some may have acclaimed and or associated respectively because of the difficulties and challenges.
And every marital couple is CALLED to INHERIT a BLESSING — [1 Peter 3:9 (1-12)].
When God made and makes you or anything, He made and makes it good and beautiful. You are not an accident — you are of purpose, with God’s eternal Spirit in you to sense God in His realm of eternity. Hence you are a spirit being with an eternal spirit in your humanity that will never die.
“He has made EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL in its time. He also has planted ETERNITY in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end” Ecclesiastes 3:11/Amplified Classic Edition
“I will praise You, for I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well” Psalms 139:14 [10-18]/NKJV.
And in God’s definition of the MARITAL relationship — plan, purpose and pursuit — MARRIAGE is GOOD and BEAUTIFUL and is ASSURED to be SORROW FREE in God’s eternal intent; for the BLESSING of God MAKES rich, He adds no SORROW and CONFUSION with it as the SCRIPTURES enjoin, for God is not the Author or creator of any form of CONFUSION, especially in the MARITAL context.
The conflicts and confusion that have resulted in Believers’ in Christ Jesus marital indifference, divorce and much complexity in relationships, may have all started at the foundational stage at the start or within the process of the relationship — which could have been as a result of one or both parties walking away knowingly and or unknowingly from God’s biblical definition and context, to create a very healthy relationship in spite of any differences that the individuals may come with or have but are unwilling to resolve by the Scriptural context for that relationship.
“And God BLESSED them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” Genesis 1:28 [26-28].
“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: [9] not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise BLESSING; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should INHERIT A BLESSING” 1 Peter 3:8-9 [8-12].
“The BLESSING of the LORD, it maketh rich, And he addeth NO SORROW with it” Proverbs 10:22.
“For God is not the AUTHOR OF CONFUSION, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints” 1 Corinthians 14:33.
Sorrow is the consequence of human frail nature and deprivation, and the intent to live outside God’s Scriptural context.
Be it known today, that when the PURPOSE of a thing is MISUSED, MISUNDERSTOOD, MISCONSTRUED, MISINTERPRETED and MISAPPROPRIATED, then ABUSE and ABUSIVENESS take root and cause sorrow.
The term ABUSE means, in essence, the — ABNORMAL USE or ABNORMAL BEHAVIOUR of anything from the original and prescribed intent — and in the marriage or marital relationship context, it is simply for the lack of knowledgeable understanding of God’s definition and intent [PLAN, PURPOSE and PURSUIT] in marriage.
This is likened to, or the result of, ‘MEN’ who do not LEAD but are BOSSY, and ‘WOMEN’ who do not FOLLOW but SUBVERT and DIVERGE from their places in grace to suit individual intent and context of definition — knowingly and unknowingly, and it is contrary to Scriptural demands and context.
Hence we see some of the major reasons for extreme ‘Marital Conflict and Confusion’ in the Christian Faith, irrespective of status.
And the consequence is that our PRAYERS — our means of communion to enhance our relationship with the creator of marriage — are HINDERED and INEFFECTUAL. It means we hit the rock with a steeper climb than should have been very simple and simplified in God’s original intent.
“In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an UNDERSTANDING way [with great gentleness and tact, and with an INTELLIGENT regard for the marriage relationship], as with someone physically weaker, since she is a woman. Show her honor and respect as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your PRAYERS WILL NOT BE HINDERED or INEFFECTIVE” 1 Peter 3:7 [7-12]/Amplified.
Know full well that GOD WILL ONLY COMMEND WHAT HE COMMANDS.
As such, when HELP-MEET becomes HELP-MATE as a result of NO LEADERSHIP and FOLLOWERSHIP to Scriptural context and demands, what then do you expect to happen in such unscriptural context?
There will be an absence of the ENABLING GRACE and EMPOWERING BLESSEDNESS of God’s WORD, to make such relationship BECOME what God intended it to be in His PLAN, PURPOSE and PURSUIT; this is what then makes every human effort and investment in time, finance, material and such like END up in CONFUSION and FRUSTRATION.
And when human intent is MADE to override God’s intent [PLANS, PURPOSES AND PURSUITS] in marital causes, it will be HINDERED [INOPERATIVE]; more so, it will become, as in many cases, a VAIN CAUSE that OUGHT not to have been started and ventured into.
That is just one of the major aspects why Apostle Paul, in his Scriptural context, made known his intent to stay on purpose by not frustrating the enabling grace that was available to him to do the gospel assignment and be fulfilled in it, as he Scripturally stated.
“I do not FRUSTRATE the GRACE of God: for if RIGHTEOUSNESS (GOD’S INTENT) come by the LAW (MAN’S DEFINITION), then Christ is DEAD in VAIN“ Galatians 2:21/Emphasis Mine.
Effective MANAGEMENT of any proven good and thriving cause, is born of the LEADERSHIP and FOLLOWERSHIP that sustains it.
Meaning, if you want, as a MAN, your WOMAN to provide you the ANGELIC needed HELP-MEET, provide her the HEAVENLY atmospheric LEAD and LEADERSHIP that is desirable of Angels — [Hebrews 1:7, 14; Psalm 103:20]; for ANGELS do not dwell in HELL to provide and give the good deeds as DESIRED of them from God.
You cannot hold God’s TRUTH in UNRIGHTEOUS BEHAVIOUR and expect a heavenly outpour of God’s RIGHTEOUSNESS and His BLESSEDNESS. God will only COMMEND what He COMMANDS.
The same is applicable too to any marital woman who WANTS a heavenly husband but is UNPREPARED and not READY to FOLLOW his LEAD and LEADERSHIP accordingly, as Sarah FOLLOWED Abraham in Scriptural context of God’s LEAD in her husband.
You cannot be keen to have a virtuous wife while you are not a faithful husband, or want to have a faithful man while you are not set to be a virtuous wife. God’s word is not bound and cannot be broken to produce effects in your marital stand in grace.
“For the WRATH of God is REVEALED from heaven against all UNGODLINESS AND UNRIGHTEOUSNESS OF MEN, WHO HOLD THE TRUTH IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS; 19 because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them” Romans 1:18-19.
“. . . 6 even as Sara OBEYED Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye ARE, as long as ye DO well, and are not AFRAID with any amazement . . . “ 1 Peter 3:1-12 (Ephesians 5:21-31).
“Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: But a FAITHFUL man who can find?” Proverbs 20:6.
“Who can find a VIRTUOUS woman? For her price is far above rubies” Proverbs 31:10.
TAKE TIME NOW TO PAUSE and THINK carefully on this note and context below in respects to your marital stands in the grace.
In SCRIPTURAL terms, the word ‘HELP MEET’ as in Genesis 2:18, is the same in INTERPRETATION, not in TRANSLATION, as PARACLETE as in Romans 8:26, which speaks of the Holy Spirit, who is our DIVINE HELPER; He’s our enabling HELPER in weakness and in strength, to help us meet up and be qualified for God’s demands and obligations in life and in grace.
Hence, we can say He is our HELP-MEET to bring us into God’s BLESSEDNESS and not a HELP-MATE TO COMPETE AND FIGHT with, either within or without, by any measure, in order to fulfil God’s SCRIPTURAL demands in His BLESSEDNESS.
When God made the man ADAM, He gave him an assignment that is PRINCIPLED with RESPONSIBILITY and ACCOUNTABILITY long before the woman EVE, the wife, was made.
This indicates that the male has an assignment from God, knowingly or unknowingly — ignorance is not an excuse. Hence there is the need for self-discovery before considering any marital relationship.
And it is in order to ACHIEVE the given divine assignment in BLESSEDNESS, that God provides a HELPER or HELP-MEET, as it is written:
“And the Lord God said, It is NOT GOOD that the man should be ALONE [in PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT]; I will make him an HELP MEET [to fulfill PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT] for him” Genesis 2:18/Emphasis Mine.
“Likewise the Spirit also HELPS our infirmities [weakness and limitations]: for we KNOW NOT what we SHOULD pray for as we OUGHT: but the Spirit itself MAKETH intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” Romans 8:26/Emphasis Mine.
We can end all these divergent confusions and daily crises in MARITAL RELATIONSHIP places when we maintain, in life and in grace, that which God has allowed us to be.
Be PROFOUNDLY and INTENTIONALLY HAPPY with what God MADE you to be for His plan, purpose and pursuit, and therein you will find meaningful and purposeful FULFILMENT in God in Christ Jesus’ stead.
Therefore, know for sure, again and again, that God only COMMENDS obedience to what He COMMANDS. Any breaking of His Word, as Adam did to satisfy the status quo outside His BLESSEDNESS, will make God’s Word and enabling grace for the individual inoperative.
It is for this and such like reasons that many Believers today live beneath the FULLNESS made available for them by God in His BLESSEDNESS in Christ Jesus — who is our REDEMPTION, DEED, Saviour and Lord.
Henceforth, let the man show forth genuine SCRIPTURAL leadership, and let the woman likewise FOLLOW the man’s lead in the marital setting. For when the Woman wants to FOLLOW and the Man is BOSSY instead of showing leadership, there will be wahala wahala — that is, trouble.
In the same scenario, when a man offers LEADERSHIP and the woman cannot submit to follow for whatever reasons, there is bound to be confusion and chaos. That is the foundation of all other conflicts and side effects respectively.
And it is only by a righteous stand in God’s order that the righteous can restore broken and shaken marital foundations to their rightful place in grace — [Psalm 11:3; 1 Corinthians 3:11-14].
Our God is not the AUTHOR nor CREATOR of confusion and unnecessary self-afflicted pains as we see today maritally.
I pray that your MARITAL RELATIONSHIP will find daily meaningful and purposeful FULFILMENT in God’s BLESSEDNESS in Christ Jesus’ stead. Amen.
Blessed regards.
SCRIPTURAL THOUGHTS WORTH PONDERING IN CONTEXT:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; [4] but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. [5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: [6] even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. [7] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. [8] Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: [9] not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; KNOWING THAT YE ARE THEREUNTO CALLED, THAT YE SHOULD INHERIT A BLESSING. [10] For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: [11] let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. [12] For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil” 1 Peter 3:1-12.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. [24] Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, [26] that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, [27] that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. [28] So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. [30] For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. [31] “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” Ephesians 5:22-33/NKJV.
SUMMARY
The message is a SCRIPTURAL call to restore GOD’S ORIGINAL ORDER in marriage by returning to the DIVINE definition of HELP-MEET and rejecting the HUMAN distortion of HELP-MATE.
It teaches that marital conflict, confusion and sorrow are not God’s intent, but the result of ABUSE — the abnormal use of marriage outside of God’s PLAN, PURPOSE and PURSUIT. The foundation for a SORROW-FREE, BLESSED marriage is SCRIPTURAL LEADERSHIP and FOLLOWERSHIP under God’s Word and enabling grace.
KEY POINTS
- GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE IS BLESSING, NOT CURSE
- God said “It is NOT GOOD that man should be ALONE” [Genesis 2:18]. He made HELP-MEET to fulfil PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT.
- MARRIAGE IS BLESSED. “The BLESSING of the LORD, it maketh rich, And he addeth NO SORROW with it” [Proverbs 10:22]. God is not the AUTHOR OF CONFUSION [1 Corinthians 14:33].
- Every marital couple is CALLED to INHERIT A BLESSING [1 Peter 3:9].
- THE CORE DISTINCTION: HELP-MEET vs HELP-MATE
- HELP-MEET [DIVINE]: Scriptural interpretation linked to PARACLETE [Romans 8:26]. A DIVINE HELPER who enables, supports, and helps fulfil God’s assignment without competition.
- HELP-MATE [HUMAN]: A distorted version born out of NO LEADERSHIP and NO FOLLOWERSHIP. It leads to COMPETITION, FIGHT, CONFUSION and FRUSTRATION.
- When HELP-MEET becomes HELP-MATE, the ENABLING GRACE and EMPOWERING BLESSEDNESS of God’s WORD is absent.
- THE ROOT CAUSE OF MARITAL CONFLICT
- ABUSE = ABNORMAL USE or ABNORMAL BEHAVIOUR outside God’s prescribed intent.
- Men: Do not LEAD but are BOSSY, abandoning RESPONSIBILITY and ACCOUNTABILITY given to ADAM before EVE was made.
- Women: Do not FOLLOW but SUBVERT and DIVERGE from their place in grace to suit individual intent.
- This misuse of PURPOSE leads to hindered and INEFFECTUAL PRAYERS [1 Peter 3:7].
- LEADERSHIP AND FOLLOWERSHIP IS NON-NEGOTIABLE
Effective MANAGEMENT is born of LEADERSHIP and FOLLOWERSHIP.
- Men: Must provide HEAVENLY atmospheric LEAD and LEADERSHIP like Angels [Hebrews 1:7, 14]. Cannot hold God’s TRUTH in UNRIGHTEOUS BEHAVIOUR and expect RIGHTEOUSNESS.
- Women: Must be READY and UNPREPARED to FOLLOW the man’s lead as Sarah FOLLOWED Abraham [1 Peter 3:6].
- You cannot want a virtuous wife and not be a faithful husband, or want a faithful man and not be a virtuous wife.
- THE CONSEQUENCE OF LIVING OUTSIDE GOD’S ORDER
- Human intent overriding God’s intent makes the marriage HINDERED [INOPERATIVE] and a VAIN CAUSE.
- Many Believers live beneath the FULLNESS God made available because they FRUSTRATE the GRACE of God [Galatians 2:21].
- Confusion, divorce, indifference and “wahala” all start at the foundation.
- IDENTITY AND FULFILMENT
- You are not an accident. You are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE [Psalm 139:14] with ETERNITY in your heart [Ecclesiastes 3:11].
- Be PROFOUNDLY and INTENTIONALLY HAPPY with what God MADE you to be. Fulfilment comes in Christ Jesus.
- SCRIPTURAL ANCHORS GIVEN
- For Wives: 1 Peter 3:1-6, Ephesians 5:22-24 — submit, meek and quiet spirit, respect.
- For Husbands: 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:25-28 — dwell with understanding, love as Christ loved the Church, honour.
- For Both: 1 Peter 3:8-9 — be of one mind, bless, not render evil for evil, to INHERIT A BLESSING.
CALL TO ACTION
- RETURN TO GOD’S DEFINITION: Repent of any ABNORMAL USE of marriage. Study Genesis 2:18 and accept marriage as HELP-MEET for PLAN, PURPOSE AND PURSUIT, not HELP-MATE for competition.
- ALIGN WITH SCRIPTURAL ROLES:
Men: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Provide godly LEADERSHIP. Love, honour, and lead your home as unto the Lord.
Women: CHOOSE FOLLOWERSHIP. Support, respect and follow your husband’s godly lead in grace. - DO SELF-DISCOVERY FIRST: Before marriage, know your divine assignment. Ignorance is not an excuse.
- GUARD YOUR GRACE: Stop FRUSTRATING the enabling grace of God. Obey what He COMMANDS so He can COMMEND you.
- RESTORE THE FOUNDATION: If your home is shaken, return to God’s order. Only a righteous stand in God’s order can restore broken marital foundations [Psalm 11:3].
- PRAY AND DECREE: Declare daily FULFILMENT in God’s BLESSEDNESS over your MARITAL RELATIONSHIP in Christ Jesus.
REV. CHUKIE MORSI